Holy crap. It’s almost here. And by “it,” I mean one of the best days for gamers in a long time: the release date for… Wait, are we supposed to only play one of these games?

Diablo III

I love “Click it ’til you kill it” games, and they are measured against their ability to stand next to arguably the grandpapa of them all: Diablo. Well, Diablo II probably…

That being said, Diablo III looks like more of the same, but a lot more. With the Auction House(s), PVP arenas, and the new Inferno difficulty mode, Blizzard will no doubt keep many of us attached to the PC screens, trying desperately to level up and get more loot before Carpal tunnel sets in from so much clicking. Releases on PC and Mac

Max Payne 3

The Payne trilogy wraps up with an older and balder Max fighting through personal demons and drug lords through the streets of South America. According to the official site, it will feature, “cutting edge shooting mechanics for precision gunplay, advanced new Bullet Time® and Shootdodge™ effects, [and] full integration of Natural Motion’s Euphoria Character Behavior system for lifelike movement…”

Whatever all of that shit means. My translation? The gameplay will be as good as, if not a little bit better, than Red Dead Redemption, this time set in the mean streets of Brazil, hopefully with fewer horses. Some horses, maybe… Releases on Xbox 360, PS3, and PC

Game of Thrones

I really want to call this game The Game of Game of Thrones, but it’s actually called The Game of Thrones: The Game, which isn’t quite as cool, but whatever. Full disclosure: I haven’t read the books yet because I’ve been reading too many manuscripts in my other life. Additionally, I don’t have HBO, and this show has fallen down on my queue’s priority because of a deal I made with my wife (full details will be omitted, but it has to do with the Marvel movies and our unwillingness to pay Disney’s ridiculous prices for movies just so our kid will repeatedly watch their garbage on his way to being indoctrinated by Walt’s legacy, all the while screaming for more officially-branded Disney crap).

That being said, the game looks pretty cool, and it *might* serve as a good intro into into the world. I assume that knowledge of the world, while not a requirement for game enjoyment, is probably a prerequisite for getting everything out of the game. It’d probably be like watching X-Men: First Class without reading any X-Men comics. Sure, you’d get the gist of it, but you’d also miss out on the impact of Charles being put in a wheelchair. Releases on Xbox 360, PS3, and PC

Battleship

This game should probably be called Battleship: The Game Based on the Movie Based on the Game, but not Really. After making waaaaay too much money off of Transformers, Hasbro went deep into the well for this movie-adaptation-game-adaptation. Promising to be a combination of tactical sea battles and FPS gameplay, this game might have its hands in too many baskets, but really, anyone expecting the next Half-Life or Arkham City from this property might be setting ridiculous expectations.

But seriously, why does this movie get a game and not Avengers? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot… Releases on Xbox 360, PS3, Wii, Nintendo DS, and 3DS.

Pixeljunk 4am

This game looks weird, and I’m not even really sure how to describe it other than by saying that it looks weird. Basically, it’s a music creator for the PS3, and it requires Move. In other words, there are about seven people who will play and enjoy this game, which is kind of sad, because the game is unconventional and original, two qualities that are needed in games to stave off development stagnation.

Nothing else, this game will probably be the best way to spend a 4am gaming session when you’re too *impaired* to do anything else. Releases on the PSN.

While our wives and/or mothers are all basking in the afterglow of us being responsible children and spouses, surprise her with a post-Mother’s Day game. Or if you already got her the best present ever (including, but not limited to breakfast in bed), take some time off with a good game.

You’ve earned it.


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